I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
