12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
