I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He has the fingertips of a God
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