dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
