: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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