ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just blew my weed a kiss
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
