It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
