Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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