Ambien. No doubt about it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
