is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
