I just made out with a guy for $7.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
