Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize