Pants 0. Shit 1.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
God, I missed his penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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