i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
