Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
