Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
