I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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