How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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