The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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