dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
