I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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