You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Never joke about your clitoris.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
