you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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