i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
