I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
