So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
