Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
