I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
