So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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