I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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