The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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