is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
