so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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