I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
