You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
