All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
