Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
