You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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