He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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