Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
