at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
