i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
