You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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