I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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