just survived the first fart of the relationship.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
im on a boat
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