What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
