Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
