rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This baby is an asshole
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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