Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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