saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
