party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
