My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
