Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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