It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
